I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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