My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
