if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
