the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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