My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Come on in and take your pants off
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