youre lurking in front of me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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