and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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