I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
