yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
