So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
