Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
