I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
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Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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