Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
