gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
