yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
