I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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