It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
