I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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