Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
