is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
