Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
