At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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