and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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