Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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