That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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