I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
