life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
