At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's blow job season.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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