Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
