what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
