That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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