I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
wanna go halves on a baby?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
