he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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