even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
