Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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