he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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