If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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