You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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