you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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