Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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