the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
50% drunk capacity currently
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
