I just pynch a tree in the face
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
