Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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