im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
