Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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