at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
