What a fucking waste of an outfit
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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