Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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