Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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