I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
