Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
