: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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