Me. At least after what I've been through.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
