I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
