i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
