We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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