you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you had me at cake vodka
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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