I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink