You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
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We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
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Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.