wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.