Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.