Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Who died my cat blue again?