yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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