please come you make the beer taste better
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
