I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
