i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
