So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
