I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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