this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
