trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
