There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
