i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
