thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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