your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
