sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
