just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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