she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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