He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
