I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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