she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
