Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
