I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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