The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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