Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
