If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
